Certainty

I’ve wondered lately about the role of doubt in the life of a Christian. What is a bit ironic to me is that the gripe many unbelievers have with Christians is their dishonesty. The appearance of certainty seems fake and therefore uninviting. I wonder if we can have a more open dialogue with unbelievers if we are honest about our doubts. I wonder if less answers and more questions is a better approach to life.

In fairness, I see dishonesty on both sides of the belief threshold. Unbelievers often tend to not be honest about their motivations for seeking justification for their unbelief. Most of the time, I believe that an underlying urge to shed accountability fuels the fervency of their pursuit against religion. They want to do whatever they feel like doing without feeling guilty. If they can somehow prove that there is no God that is interested in their behavior, they can truly be free.

I don’t see any reason to hide behind a pretense of certainty. Faith is what we do despite our doubt. If there were no doubt, there would be no opportunity for faith.

But faith is also not blind. We have to have a reason to believe. For many of us it’s the easiest way we know how to function. It’s the path of least resistance. For others, it’s the best answer to our deepest questions. Many of us are driven to faith because we have experienced things that we can’t explain rationally. What has fueled my faith lately are the intangibles; stuff that can’t be explained rationally. It’s the sense of hope and wonder; the sense that I am being heard when I am alone; the beauty of music and art; the discovery that I am able to love others and not sense a need for their love in return (or for that matter the need for a drug or destructive habit to fill the void that is created when I don’t get what I feel I need from others). All of these, I believe, are fingerprints of the divine. I can’t explain many parts of the bible and why much of it rubs me the wrong way. I can’t explain why the earth seems older than 6000 years to people much smarter than me. I can’t explain why horrible tragedy is endured by relatively innocent people. I can’t explain much at all, but I’m not really sure I have to. There is still something inside of me that causes me to believe anyway; something mysterious and other-worldly that is much stronger than anything I could conjure up on my own. It was almost as if …, well as if it was intentionally placed there by someone else.

Ramadan

The moon is almost full, which means that the month of Ramadan is almost half over. The Arabic calendar is based on the moon so each new moon starts a new month. This makes the Muslim year a bit shorter than ours and makes all holidays and special events slowly migrate year after year on our calendar which is solar. This also means that in the next few years, the holy month of Ramadan will slowly migrate closer and closer to the hottest part of the summer, and coincide with the longest days of the year. I mention this because the month of Ramadan is a collective fast of all food, water, tobacco and sexual intercourse from sunrise to sunset. With few exceptions, all Islamic people are expected to participate in this sacrifice. It is incredible to watch such solidarity and devotion of so many people especially when it’s 115 degrees outside with 80% humidity, and the days are 14 hours long. But I’ve come to learn that it is so much more than a collective fast. People really get excited about this time, and it has the meaningfulness that Christmas has to us, without the materialism. Everyone wishes each other “Ramadan Kareem” (which literally means “Have a generous Ramadan”). Work all but stops. People will typically shorten their work day to about 3 – 4 hours and take long naps. As soon as the sun sets, the “break-fast” becomes a huge celebration and everyone gathers together and eats with wild abandon. Then they stay up the rest of the night either in prayer, reading the Qur’an, or just enjoying each other’s company. Finally, a last big meal is consumed before sunrise (about 4 am in these parts) and if possible people go to bed for a few hours before going in for another short day of work.

“Credits” is the term my Arabic first officer used to explain why people spend so much more time in the mosque during Ramadan praying and reading the Qur’an. The closer to the end of Ramadan it is, the more credits one gets for religious activities (reading, praying, giving to the poor etc.) At first I was reluctant to ask, but I had to know, so I asked him what these “credits” were good for. I said, “Do you mean that people are able to get closer to God than they would otherwise at other times of the year?” He said, “no”. God is close to everyone no matter what they do. What these credits are good for is hierarchy in heaven. He said that there is heaven and hell, and if one goes to heaven, the religious activities they do on earth will determine their status in heaven in the afterlife. He said that some people spend incredible amounts of time in the mosque during Ramadan and are able to get lots of credits. Credits are also achieved throughout the rest of the year as people diligently comply with what is called “The Five Pillars of Islam”. They consist of a profession of faith, five daily prayers at specific times, giving to the poor, fasting during Ramadan, and at least one pilgrimage to Mecca.

Although most people gain a few pounds during Ramadan because of all the eating that happens at night, the fasting during the day has the purpose of not only helping people focus on God, but also helping them identify with the poor. Fasting is obligatory for all but the sick and those who are traveling. If a day of fasting is broken due to one of these reasons (which most of the Muslim pilots do if they are assigned a long day of flying) they are to make up the fast during the following month for the equivalent amount of days they broke fast during Ramadan. An exception is made for diabetics (of which there are many here). Safety is stressed by the company and little things are done to help people avoid making foolish mistakes when they are hungry. The most notable one is that free little boxes of food (dates, juice and yogurt) are passed out by volunteers at the compound entrance right at sundown so people won’t drive unsafely in their eagerness to get home or to any other feasting ground.

What amazes me about all this in how willing everyone is to fast. It seems to be more than an obligation. It is something they are proud of, something that helps define them and give them a sense of identity and purpose. It gives structure to their lives and a sense of moral superiority. All this is worth a little hunger and a little thirst.

What also is intriguing and a little puzzling is that I have been asked a few times if I am fasting, by people that are well aware that I’m not a Muslim. No one has asked me if I pray five times a day, or if I go to the mosque or on pilgrimages, but they have asked me if I fast. I am always honest in my answer, and say “no”, but I wonder how they feel about that. Why is this the only sacred pillar of Islam that I am being invited to participate in? Does it say something about my lack of respect toward their religion not to fast? I mean, I don’t eat or drink purposefully in front of them. Expats have been asked by the company to be discreet in their consumption. But why am I being asked if I fast? I wonder if I should? What would that say to them? There is so much more to learn here and I’m so eager to do it. I’ve been here now more than nine months, and my fascination with this place and it’s people, culture and religion continues to grow in intensity. The more I know, the more I want to know.